


four of cups

by achillesep



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: Angst, Blood and Injury, Camp Jupiter (Percy Jackson), Character Study, Depression, Eventual Fluff, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Mental Instability, it's not that bad i promise !!, not too graphic but just in case, post blood of olympus, what the fuck it sounds so depressing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:27:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27623377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/achillesep/pseuds/achillesep
Summary: "Jason is cruel and a weapon and a soldier and empty of emotions because when Leo died he took everything Jason had with him and now he’s only filled with rage and grief and it will never be enough. They are both falling to their doom. They are both whiteknuckling each other’s coattails in an effort to drag the other down."Leo dies and Jason leaves Camp Half-Blood.Leo dies and a part of Jason dies too.Leo dies but not really.And now Jason has to ally with Octavian to find Leo again.
Relationships: Jason Grace & Octavian, Jason Grace & Reyna Avila Ramírez-Arellano, Jason Grace/Leo Valdez
Comments: 11
Kudos: 21





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this started off as a writing exercise but now I'm hngfgf spending way too much time on it. Octavian's just so fun to write because he doesn't really have a character so I can make him one <3 (I guess the same goes for Jason, for the most part)  
> Anyway, check tags for content warnings because Octavian's uh messed up.

I

It’s storming outside and it’s not Jason’s fault. Normally it’d be calming, but now Jason feels like he’s drowning in it, the rain, it feels like the whole world is weeping with him and he can hardly breathe, can hardly stop, can hardly get away from this feeling of horribleness and loss and like a part of him is missing. 

After Leo died, Jason couldn’t take Camp Half-Blood anymore. It was suffocating. 

Leo’s ghost had left its fingerprints everywhere and it was inescapable and crushing and Jason couldn’t take it because he loved Leo and now the only thing he has left of him are his memories. He supposes that dead doesn’t mean gone. That Leo’s having his own fun in Elysium. But Jason wanted, desperately, more time with him, to hold him, to sit next to him, to lay his shoulder on the other boy’s head and feel at home but now he’ll have to die for that to happen. 

Jason sits on the cold wood floor of his room and watches the rain blow by. He feels older. More tired. Awful. 

Octavian isn’t a big help either.

After the war, the other boy had done some things to land him in the psych ward, but for some reason, Jason felt sorry for him—Octavian had always been an enigma. Messed up. A little too cruel and a little too sad for comfort. 

He’d volunteered to stay with him.

On some days it was living hell. On others it was peaceful. Lonely. Quiet. Those were usually the days where they were both too depressed to fight with each other, brothers in their own misery, and Jason wasn’t too fond of those days either.

_ Leo, Leo, Leo. _

Now that he’s gone Jason doesn’t know what to do because it feels like everything has lost its color, its meaning, and what’s life without your best friend? What’s life without the person you love the most? 

There’s a distinct feeling of panic to everything and Jason can’t help but feel like he’s just being strung along at this point, at meetings, at get-togethers, anytime anyone talks to him. It feels dull. Aching. Like there’s a needle poking at his heart but at the same time it feels like he doesn’t have one anymore and he can’t figure any of it out and all of his thoughts are loud and all-consuming and he can’t get out of his head and everything’s running into each other like a trainwreck and no one can figure him out.

He means everyone except Octavian, who has an uncanny sense for these things. 

Jason wants to rip his head off most of the time.

The other times, he looks at the sickly skeleton of a boy and feels a mixture of fear and sorrow. Fear because he’s scared of him. Sorrow because there’s some part of him that insists it’s not Octavian’s fault he’s like this. 

By ‘this’, he means a monster. A monster with a thousand eyes and teeth and a heart that bleeds acid but it’s a heart all the same. 

It’s been two months. Sometimes Jason will fly all the way across the country, no stops, and just visit Leo’s grave. He’ll lean against the headstone and talk to Leo as if he’s really there.

One time Piper walked in on it. Jason, telling Leo about his day, about the harpy that chased him across the sky, and how Jason almost just let it kill him. 

She didn’t say anything. Just walked towards him like he was a scared animal and wrapped her arms around him and cried. 

That was one of the worst days. 

Another time, Reyna came over to check in on Jason and they started fighting because Jason wouldn’t talk to anyone anymore and she was trying to give him time and space but ‘ _ this isn’t healthy, you’ll kill yourself doing this, you need to take a break, I can’t stand to see you like this anymore _ ’. 

Jason’s been doing a lot of idiotic things. Staying up all night working on shrines, walking to the entrance to the Underworld at two in the morning and coming back with a gaping wound in his abdomen because he’d been followed by some dracanae and when he had started walking he didn’t realize where he was going until he was there and by the time he’d realized he’d forgotten his sword it was too late.

He’s pretty useless at this point. 

Jason walks towards the window and looks up at the sky. 

“Watching the rain?” Octavian asks boredly. A cigarette lazily rests between his fingers, spreading smoke all over the room.

Jason scowls. “I thought I told you not to smoke in here.” 

Octavian uses his index finger to put out the cigarette then smiles cruelly. 

“Aww come on. I thought you’d like it! It should remind you of your friend after all.”

That’s exactly why Jason hates it. He doesn’t need the reminder.

Octavian walks over to the window, careful to leave a couple of feet of space between him and Jason. 

They stand, quiet as everything else fills up the space between them.

“How are you?” Jason asks. 

“Great as always,” he enunciates. “You?”

“Perfect,” Jason says emptily.    
Octavian leans against the windowsill and fidgets with his hands for a while until he gets bored and pulls out another cigarette and lights it.

“I thought I told you—”

“You’re thinking about him anyway.” Octavian shrugs. “Plus, you miss him and this helps—doesn’t it?” 

It does. Leo always used to smell like smoke and ash, even before Jason knew what his powers were. 

“Yeah.” 

Octavian smiles sharply to himself. 

“You’ve changed, you know,” Octavian states. 

_ No shit _ , Jason thinks. 

“I’d say that’s pretty obvious.” 

“Hmm.” Octavian grins like he wants to snap Jason in two. “Not that way.”

“In what way then?” 

“You’ve figured yourself out I suppose.” 

Octavian is the most predictably unpredictable person Jason knows—he always knows how to surprise you or make you want to throttle him. 

“I can’t say the same for you,” Jason says honestly. Octavian just hums amusedly, empty eyes focusing on something out the window. When Jason looks, there’s nothing there. 

Octavian’s skin is sallow and pale and clings to his cheekbones and it all looks hollow like there’s nothing underneath. He’s only a couple of years older than Jason but it looks like decades sometimes, with the dark circles under his eyes and wrinkles on his neck and face and hands and scars on his back and arms and legs. Jason wishes he didn’t remember how Octavian got some of them.

He’d never been a good fighter.

Moments like these he looks tired, like the whole world is bearing on him and like he’s seen too much, which he probably has considering his gift of the prophecy. 

Octavian looks at him and laughs. “You’re quite the odd one, aren’t you?”

“Shut up.”   
“What, are you trying to figure me out? Pity me?” Octavian gives Jason an uncanny smile. “I thought you knew better than that.” 

Jason glares at him.

“Why’d you stick around?” 

Octavian puffs out a ring-shaped cloud of smoke.

“If I’m still here, what’s it matter?”

Jason frowns. “You know why.”

The truth is, Jason doesn’t really care; he’s just asking because he needs a distraction. Something to get his mind off of Leo. Something interesting, even for just a moment.

“Hmm...I just wanted to piss off those old fuckers in the Senate, I suppose.”

Octavian’s motivations are never that simple. 

“You’re lying.” 

“Of course,” Octavian laughs. “And you’re just bored, aren’t you? I’ve really got to keep you on your toes. You’ve gotten slower since the war, you know.” 

“What do you expect? I lost someone,” Jason snaps.

“So did we all, Grace.”   
“I loved him,” Jason snarls. 

The glee in Octavian’s eyes is unmistakeable. He’s gotten what he wanted.

“So nice to have a confession,” he says. “I knew you’d changed.” 

“You’re sick, you know that?”

Octavian’s still smiling, acting as if nothing in the world can bother him. It’s a lie. Octavian’s nothing if not sensitive and weak and starved and empty and he’ll take any kindness Jason gives him and turn it into a knife because it’s his nature.

“Tell me about him.” 

“No.” 

Octavian pouts.“You owe me one...or do you not remember?”

Jason does. It’d be easy to lie but Octavian would probably be able to tell, and then say something horrible that would force Jason to do what he wants. 

“I do.” 

Octavian hums around the fag of his cigarette, then flicks it into a nearby trash can. 

“His name was Leo.” 

“And what’d he do?” 

It’s like a knife twisting inside Jason’s body. Every memory of Leo is a cruel reminder that he’s gone. 

“He was a good person—he sacrificed himself to save all of us,” Jason states coldly. 

Octavian rolls his eyes.

“Maybe I should have just left.” 

The truth is, Jason likes it when Octavian’s around, likes staying with Octavian because he can expect him to be horrible. He doesn’t have to walk on eggshells around him, not like with Piper or with Reyna or with Frank because Octavian understands him in his own twisted way and the game they’re playing stings at times but it’s cathartic. They scream at each other for hours and say horrible horrible things to each other some days but it’s better than not saying them at all. Octavian will call Jason useless, Jason will call him a monster, Octavian will retort that Jason’s the monster for abandoning his friends and hiding out here, and so on and so on. They’ll rip each other to pieces.

And rebuild themselves to do it again. It won’t last. But it’s a distraction, just for now, just until Jason can heal or see Leo again.

“You don’t mean that,” Jasons says.

Octavian rolls his eyes. “You’re getting boring, Grace. It’s not your fault I know, you’re just not very sharpl, but I’m curious about Reyna…”

The look in Octavian’s eyes suggests he wants to destroy her. He’d be able to. The only reason he hasn’t completely fucked up Jason is because there’s hardly anything left for him to get rid of. 

“What do you want to know about Leo?” Jason asks gruffly.

Octavian smiles and it’s all teeth. “What he did to you, of course.”

_ Changed me. Made me human, and now he’s taken all of me down with him. _

“I…I don’t know.” 

Guttural thunder flashes outside and cuts through the sky. 

Octavian leans against the window and waits.

“No I can’t—I can’t do this. Not with you.” 

It feels like admitting defeat. 

“Then who are you going to do it with? Seems like you don’t really have anyone anymore.” 

He’s right but only partially. Jason does have Piper and Reyna and Frank and Percy, he supposes but...it’s like they’re all too far away. He doesn’t know how to put any of it into words. 

Octavian takes one last glance at Jason and leaves the room. 

Jason continues to stare out the window. 

///

“What the  _ fuck _ is your problem?” Jason shouts, half snarling at Octavian who sits like a bored housecat, staring up at him emptily.

“Did I cross a line? Come on, Jay Jay, we both know you should expect this by now.”

“He’s not—he wasn’t my  _ toy _ because I don’t treat people like playthings the way  _ you _ do.”

“What’s it matter?”

Electricity, hot and angry and burning, buzzes through Jason’s veins and he wants to kill Octavian, he always wants to at least a little bit and now is just another one of those moments where Octavian’s messing with him, ripping him apart, and he can’t take it.

“What’s it matter? Gods, you’re so fucking manipulative. There’s more to life than—than trying to destroy everyone around you, Octavian.” 

“By ‘there’s more to life than that’, are you asking me to be a hero like you?” Octavian grins sharply. “Because look at how that turned out.” 

“You disgust me.” 

“Because I’m a monster, right? Just say it out loud, it’s not like I can’t hear your thoughts already.” 

Jason laughs sardonically. “No. You’re not a monster—you can hardly stand without stumbling, no you...you’re just an asshole.” 

Octavian hums. He’s looking at Jason curiously, like he wants to bash his head against a rock to see just how much blood would come out, or snap his spine to hear Jason scream. 

“Do you remember when we were younger?” Octavian asks cheerfully. “And you ripped the head of a witch off with your bare hands. She was human once you know, and _gods_ do I remember the look in your eyes.”

Jason remembers. It was sick. 

“You were so proud of yourself—you’d been able to hold someone else life in your hands and you squashed it out...do you remember that?” 

Jason just stands and stews in angry silence.

“You liked it, didn’t you?” Octavian smiles. “Now, I do think that fire boy changed you a bit but it wasn’t enough. Look at me. You want to snap my neck, right?” 

“I’m not like you,” Jason snaps. “Not all of us are psychopathic bastards and don’t—don’t mention him, he’s got nothing to do with this.”   
A mistake. Jason shouldn’t have let Octavian see that the mention of Leo gets to him, gets under his skin, breaks him down. 

Octavian stands and walks in front of Jason. 

“The way I see it, Leo killed you twice.” 

“Shut up.” 

He’s standing a foot away from him, taunting. “First, he killed the perfect you, the little soldier boy, the one Reyna, and the Senate, and I loved so dearly.”

“Don’t.” 

“Second, he died and that killed you again,” Octavian laughs. “You were never this angry before, remember? What would he think of you now? Standing in front of me, making empty threats and losing it.” 

Octavian is cruel. Octavian is cruel and empty and a black hole of emotions and he will say anything he can for Jason to do something interesting because Octavian’s bored and purposeless and doesn’t care about anything other than the present. Jason is cruel. Jason is cruel and a weapon and a soldier and empty of emotions because when Leo died he took everything Jason had with him and now he’s only filled with rage and grief and it will never be enough. They are both falling to their doom. They are both whiteknuckling each other’s coattails in an effort to drag the other down.

“What do you want me to say?” Jason growls. “That I wish I died with him? Instead of him?” 

“You say that as if you aren’t already dead.” 

“And you’re not? How many times have you—”   
“Don’t,” Octavian hisses.

“Then don’t use me for your fucking games! Aren’t you, fuck, aren’t you tired of this?”

You can hear the sadness in Jason’s voice.

“And aren’t you tired of your little hero complex? Of your guilt?”

“You—”

“But you can’t help it, right? It’s just how you are.” 

“You think I want to feel this way?” Jason growls. 

“No. But it’s your fault you fell in love with him. And it’s your fault now that you’re letting that love go sour.” 

Jason can’t take it. 

Before he even realizes it his knuckles throb from the impact.

Octavian’s laughing and it reminds Jason vaguely of the way a canary sings when it knows it’s going to die. 

Blood is pouring out of the other boy’s nose.

_ Fuck _ . 

Octavian’s laughing and crying all at once.

Jason’s just standing there.

Empty. Like a fish gasping for water.

He wants to say he’s sorry but he’s not.

Not in the right way.

Sorry he didn’t do it sooner.

Sorry he didn’t kill him with it.

Jason’s mind clicks back into place, the way it was when he was much much younger.

Some things can’t be erased.

Octavian pulls on Jason’s shoulder and brings his face next to Jason’s ear. 

“The only difference between you and me is you got to escape. Understand?” he whispers sweetly. 

Octavian lets go and walks away, leaving Jason to realize that it’s his fault. 

It’s all his fault.

///

When Jason walks into his room he finds Reyna on his bed. 

“Oh. Hey,” he says awkwardly. Instead of coming in any more, he leans against his doorframe.

Reyna’s gaze is harsh.

“I’ve been getting complaints,” Reyna states. She looks tense. On edge. Jason’s head feels fuzzy and she sounds muffled, like she’s underwater. 

“Yeah?” he says emptily.

“We’re moving Octavian back to the psych ward.” 

Jason blinks lazily.

“Okay.” 

Her anger falls. She looks sad. Pitying. Jason doesn’t know what to make of it.

“Jason are—are you alright?” she asks softly.

Jason stares up at the ceiling and pretends to think about it. 

_ No. It should’ve been me. I’m already gone anyway. I miss him. It’s like nothing’s left for me here. What’s the point? He changed me and now he’s gone. I’m tired. I can’t make sense of myself. I don’t know what I’m thinking.  _

“Your neighbors, they’ve heard some of what you and Octavian...scream at each other. You know you can talk to me, right?” 

Octavian’s going to be gone. 

“So he’s going to be leaving?” 

Reyna tilts her head curiously. 

“Uh well, yes. We’re setting some things up for him right now.” 

“Oh. Was there anything else?” 

Reyna stares at him like he’s some kind of freak. 

“No, but...Jason, it’s been four months since what happened. Aren’t you—are you ready to talk about it?” 

“What’s there to talk about?” 

Reyna just looks at him. She looks disappointed. And like she doesn’t know what to say. 

“Jason…”

She starts talking about her dad and Jason doesn’t hear any of it. Well, he does but not really. He hears it but he can’t listen to it. Like there’s a barrier. Like something’s stopping him. 

It’s not like something else is on his mind. Or that he’s distracted. There’s just nothing. Static. The whir of the ceiling fan above them. The biting cold of winter. 

Jason blinks slowly and he nearly falls asleep. 

He sees himself in the mirror across from him. It’s weird. He’s much thinner now, with less muscle. His clothes hang off him differently. 

“Did you hear anything I just said?”

“Yeah,” he lies. 

“Jason.” Reyna’s voice breaks. “Why don’t you sit next to me.” 

Jason limps over to her. The other day he wasn’t paying attention and missed a couple of steps on the stairs and fell down them. It looks like she’s noticed. But she doesn’t say anything.

He sits on his bed and waits for Reyna to do something.

She hugs him lightly like she’s scared he’ll break. It feels strange. Jason hasn’t been hugged since the funeral.

“Are you okay?” he asks her, burying his head into the crook of her neck. 

“Yeah,” she cries. “I’m sorry that—I’m sorry Leo’s dead.” 

“He’s okay now.” 

She pulls back and looks into Jason’s eyes. Pity fills them.

“He’s just in Elysium. I’ll see him someday.”    
Silence fills the space between them.

She hugs him again.

“Okay. You’re okay.” 

Jason can tell she’s saying it for herself. 

///

Octavian’s smoking in Jason’s bedroom. 

“What?” Jason snaps. He’s exhausted and frustrated today.   
Octavian smiles softly and it’s uncanny.

“Let’s make a deal.” 

Jason's bored and doesn’t trust him but he waits for him to say something anyway. 

“They’re moving me back to the hospital. Apparently pleading insanity means I should still be in there anyway.”

Jason leans against a cabinet across from Octavian. 

“I’m thinking we’d be better off somewhere else. Wanna leave?” 

“I thought this was a deal.” 

Octavian grins and fidgets with his hands. 

“Of course! You help me escape and you get to come with me.” 

“That doesn’t sound like a deal.” 

Octavian pouts and twirls his cigarette between his fingers.

“I was hoping you wouldn’t say that,” he sighs. “Fine. You have to come with me or they’ll put you in the hospital too. And I think I’ve got a lead on your fire boy.” 

“What?” 

_ They’ll put you in the hospital too. _

_ I’ve got a lead on your fire boy. _

“Reyna thinks you’ve lost it,” Octavian giggles. “And your friend, that one you think is dead—I had a dream about him. A prophecy of sorts.” 

“He’s alive?” 

“Yes. Gods, you’re slow.” 

Jason’s not sure if he believes him. 

“How do I know you’re telling the truth.” 

“When have I ever lied to you? And besides, aren’t you tired of staying cooped up around here? Come on, Jason, it’ll be a boy's night, an adventure, and don’t you miss it anyway?” 

Jason thinks it over as Octavian walks towards him.

_ If Leo’s alive… _

It wouldn’t work. Jason’d be dead and Leo would see him and know that. Would it be worth the risk of trusting Octavian?

The other boy places a hand on Jason’s shoulder as he leaves the room.

“Come on, Jay. Let’s kill something.” 

Jason follows him like a lamb to the slaughter.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a little more is revealed about octavian's past and history w jason + jason's fears regarding leo

II

Jason coldly stares at the gorgon’s body at his feet. It’s still alive. He stabbed it, straight through, and it should be dust now but it’s not.

“Are you going to leave it like that?” Octavian asks, leaning against a tree.

It’s in pain. Jason can see the shallow rising and falling of its chest, the horror in its eyes. 

He swings his sword and grants it some mercy.

“Did you get the information?” he asks Octavian coldly, putting his sword back in his sheath. It’s a plain Roman one, the same kind every soldier is given unless they make their own weapon or receive one as a gift; it’s an anchor.

“Yes,” Octavian grins. “The oldest one said your friend’s been spotted in Europe—in Epirus, more precisely.” 

_ And what’d you do to her to get that information? _ Jason wants to ask.

He holds his tongue.

“I could fly us there.” 

“No you couldn’t,” Octavian laughs. “You can hardly concentrate, let alone fly across the Atlantic.” 

“Do you have a better idea?” 

“Yes...but more importantly, your friend was spotted with a girl.” 

Jason frowns. 

Another gorgon leaps out at Octavian from behind a bush but Jason kills it with lightning speed. He turns back towards Octavian with void blue eyes.

“And?” 

Octavian frowns at Jason curiously and doesn’t say anything, just starts walking.

“Hurry up. We need to head towards Colorado.”

///

They break into a motel in Utah around four am. It’s been two days since they left Camp Jupiter.

The room they broke into only has one bed so Jason lets Octavian take the couch, mostly because both look stained and shitty.

“The water’s a bit brown,” Octavian says. 

Jason just watches shadows dance across the ceiling as Octavian stretches like a cat on the couch. 

_ Leo’s alive. Leo’s alive. Leo’s alive and it’s been months, only four but I’ve changed and what if he notices that something’s wrong what if I see him again and I’m not myself what if he doesn’t like who I am anymore?  _

Jason misses Leo like the land misses the sea. He knows he’ll come rolling back, at least he does now, but the time until then is unbearable. 

His eyelids fall shut and he drifts into sleep. 

In his dreams he’s sitting on a bench next to Leo, an atrium above their heads as rain pours down around them. He can’t make out what Leo says but it’s funny. His brown curls are falling in front of his face as he smiles and Jason thinks,  _ I love him. More than anything. More than everything. _

There’s an awkward silence where Jason takes too long to decide.

Leo’s looking at him like he’s waiting for something.

Jason hesitantly puts his hands on Leo’s face, his neck, and brushes a hair out of Leo’s face like he’s scared the other boy will break.

He kisses him and it’s everything he could hope for. Leo tastes like liquid sunlight and cinnamon and chocolate and Leo kisses him back and it’s perfect. 

Then Jason feels his skin go cold and Leo shove him off, scrambling back like he’s scared of Jason.

“Leo, what’s…”

When Jason looks down his hands are rotting. He can see his own bones and his skin is turning greenish, falling off at the bone, and it’s like Jason’s decomposing. Falling apart. Dying.

“You’re—you’re a monster,” Leo says, eyes wide with fear. He steps out into the rain. 

Jason looks down at himself and is inclined to agree, everything is falling apart at the seams and his heart is beating too fast until it’s slowing down and he feels cold all of a sudden and can’t control his hands or legs and suddenly he’s standing and Octavian’s right behind him whispering,  _ You’re too late. _

“No,” Jason whimpers. “No no no no, please.” 

He steps outside of the atrium and the patter of rain peels off his skin where it hits him as thunder booms around him but he can’t control it and when he looks up towards the sky lightning strikes him down and suddenly Leo’s got a knife to his neck.

“You’re not Jason,” Leo says. Jason nods. 

Just as Leo is about to drop the guillotine, Jason wakes. 

///

“Have you slept well?” 

Octavian glares at Jason. He has a tendency to lose his composure when he’s tired.

“What do you think,” the other boy snaps. 

Jason’s own eyes are heavy as he stares out at the open road. Octavian found them a car yesterday and Jason doesn’t want to know where he got it, just drives. 

“I was just asking,” Jason says childishly. 

Octavian’s hands are shaking in his lap and if it weren’t for the fact that he’s moving, Jason would assume he’s dead. 

“Asking entails caring.” 

Jason shrugs. “I care about what you know and getting to Leo. You should really sleep, you know, we still have a couple of hours until we reach you’re ah...friend’s place and I don’t want you to—”   
“—I hardly can with all your blabbing, Grace.”

Jason smiles to himself as Octavian childishly turns towards the window, resting his head against the car door. He’s eighteen. Octavian is eighteen and horrible and has lived through two wars and Jason is sixteen and horrible and has lived through two wars and he can make it out of this. They can survive each other.

At least, Jason hopes so.

///

Octavian’s friend is an elderly white woman who lives in the middle of nowhere and doesn’t recognize him. They’re sitting in her living room as she grabs cookies and Jason has no idea what Octavian’s planning, but based on how the woman assumed they were salesmen and doesn’t recognize Octavian in the slightest, Jason can only assume it’s risky. 

He rests his elbows on his knees and surveys the room. There’s a tall brown cabinet filled with precious china in one corner with a grandfather clock next to it. Some impressionist paintings, likely knockoffs, adorn the walls of the room along with some photos of her and her family even though there’s no trace of anyone but her in the house. Dust has collected on the coffee table, the mantle above the fireplace, and on the TV. One of the windows behind Jason is broken and cold air drifts inside the house and Jason notices that the floor below and surrounding the broken window is wet—it snowed last night, and she didn’t even notice that the window was broken or that snow had come in. 

Odd. Very odd. 

“Here,” the woman says, strolling over to them with a plate full of sugar cookies. “Not exactly, ah, fresh from the oven but I hope they’ll do.” 

She smiles politely and Octavian does so in return, looking oddly domestic.

“I’m sure they’re alright,” he says. 

Jason reachers for one and murmurs a thank you. It’s stale and cold, but he’s hungry. He and Octavian didn’t exactly bring money with them, besides drachma.

“So!” The woman chirps. “How can I help you?” 

Octavian hums and smiles kindly at the woman, and he looks normal for once, but not quite. His smile’s got too much teeth, Jason realizes. 

“I’m a friend of Diana’s, and I was wondering if you could help me with something,” Octavian says melodiously. 

Fear flashes through the woman’s eyes.

The woman has gone still as a statue except for the rising and falling of her chest, likely a result of shallow breathing. 

“Get out,” she says. 

Her eyes are wide as she stares at Octavian.

“What for?” Octavian asks, still smiling. Jason can tell it’s making the woman more and more nervous.

“Diana—Diana’s dead,” the woman sputters. “you...you should know that.” 

Octavian hums and smiles. 

“I’m sorry for your loss,” Jason says awkwardly, trying to take the attention off of Octavian.

The woman doesn’t hear him, just watches Octavian take a lighter out of his pocket.

Jason frowns. “What are you—”    
“Relax,” Octavian says, placing the flame under his palm. “It’s just a little cold in here, don’t you think?” 

_ So he noticed the broken window too _ , Jason thinks. 

“What do you want,” the woman asks coldly. 

Jason doesn’t know what to do.

“Diana left a key here for me in case of emergency,” Octavian chirps. 

“No Diana—she, she left a key here for her son, I don’t...you’re—”

“Yes, that would be me.” 

It’s hard for Jason to imagine Octavian with any kind of family.

The woman’s hand is moving slowly to her pocket and Jason realizes that anything could be in there, a knife, a gun, pepper spray, so he places a hand on his sword. She’s a civilian but if she threatens them, Jason won’t hesitate.

“Her son is, is dead, he’s been dead…”

Octavian rolls his eyes and stands and in one sudden motion, he tosses the lit lighter on the floor. 

“I don’t have time for this," Octavian snaps. "Give me the key.”

“What are you  _ doing _ ?” Jason shouts. The area around Octavian is now smoking, burning, the fire is licking at his ankles and Jason freezes because time feels wrong and it reminds him of Leo, of the war, of the fireball in the sky that ended up being his best friend and suddenly he’s stuck. 

_ Leo. _

_ Leo. _

_ Leo. _

Octavian and the woman have started yelling at each other and it’s all background noise and Jason can’t focus and his shoes are on fire, his hands are on fire, and he goes to pat it out and he gets burnt all the while Octavian stands coldly in the flames like a statue, a skeleton, something that can’t be killed again.  _ Come on. Come on. _ Jason summons wind from outside to blow the fire out and something unrealistic and nonsensical pops into his mind saying,  _ put it out, put it out just like Gaea snuffed out Leo, kill it _ until Octavian in all his horrible glory glares at Jason and shouts at him—

“Get out of your head!” 

Some days Jason wakes up and forgets that Leo is dead.

Some days Jason will forget that Leo is alive.

Now is one of those times. 

The woman comes back with a key and she’s crying, begging Octavian to put the flames out, and when he doesn’t Jason summons rain to calm the flames. It doesn’t work.

Octavian hits the woman on the back of the head and she’s unconscious. 

Her body slumps to the floor like a puppet does when it’s strings are cut. 

Octavian snaps his fingers and suddenly the flames are gone.

“How did you—”

“My grandfather is Apollo, god of light...or did you forget?” 

_ It was all a trick.  _

Jason wants to deck him—of all the illusions he could have chosen, he chose fire. 

His thoughts are still jumbling into each other like voices shouting, cars crashing, the sound of flesh burning, the sound of thunder booming and he needs to calm down but the fire is too much of a reminder until he finds something to focus on, and _there._ _Save the woman._

“Bastard,” he spits, walking over to the woman’s body. He crouches and turns her over, looking for her pulse. 

She’s still alive.

“Hurry up,” Octavian says. “The eagles are probably close.” 

Jason stands and looks out the window, everything feeling like it’s still moving too fast for him like fire whipping and turning and taking the air out of Jason’s lungs. 

A storm’s coming. 

He pulls some curtains over the window and then follows Octavian outside.

///

“So—your mom,” Jason says vaguely. 

They’re going to the Cherry Creek Bank outside of Denver, where Diana has apparently stored something for Octavian.

The other boy emptily stares out the window.

“Hmm.” 

Jason takes his eyes off the road for a moment to watch Octavian. His hands shake and his awful blue eyes are dulled and his thin blonde hair falls just short of his eyebrows. He looks young, like he’s only a boy, a sickly, pale, starved one.

Not like a monster.

“It’s going to be a long drive,” Jason says boredly. “So do you want to...tell me about her?”

Something horrible ignites in Octavian’s eyes and he smiles amusedly.

“Well, that’d be no fun now, would it?”

Jason hates the sound of his voice. 

He takes a deep breath.

“Do you have a better idea?”   
Octavian turns to peer at him. 

“How about we play a game—I tell you something, you tell me something.” 

“About what?”

Octavian smiles wider. “Anything.”    
Jason refrains from saying,  _ What the hell is wrong with you? You just found out your mom died and you don’t even care. What  _ is  _ your problem? _

“Alright,” Jason says. “What was your mom like?”

“Hmm...sweet, kind, motherly, caring...the whole lot,” Octavian lies.

“Liar,” Jason says. 

Octavian points to the car ceiling and says, “Nowhere in the rules does it say we have to tell the whole truth.” 

“What’s the difference between a half-truth and a lie?” Jason snaps.

Octavian ignores him.

“My turn. What’s today’s date?” 

Jason pauses.

“The...twenty third of December,” he says hesitantly.

They sit in silence as dark clouds gather overhead.

“It’s your turn,” Octavian says. 

Jason pauses to wrack his brain.

Rain has started to patter against the car windows.

“What was your father like?” He asks.

Octavian frowns involuntarily and Jason wants to smile, wants to say  _ I’ve cracked the code, at least part of it _ , because Octavian hardly ever lets anything Jason says get to him and Jason barely had to press on this pressure point to get a reaction.

“Just like me,” Octavian says emptily.

“You’re lying.” 

Octavian looks like he wants to kill something. Strangle the life out of something and put it in the ground.

“Of course.”    
Jason glares at him. “Why?”

“It’d be better if he was,” he says, venom lacing every word.

Jason realizes he’s better off not knowing, but there’s this horrible sense of curiosity… 

“What was Leo running from?” Octavian interrupts.

“He wasn’t run—it...it was an accident.”

It feels jilted. Horrible. They’re not talking to each other, just exchanging aimless blows. 

Jason’s hands tighten against the steering wheel.

Jason remembers Leo when he told him what happened, when he told him about his mother’s death, when he told him about the flames surrounding him and consuming him and taking and taking everything except him and how he thought he was the devil because everyone else called him that and how Leo hadn’t felt like he belonged until he met Jason and Piper. He remembers Leo’s voice, remembers Leo sobbing on the Argo, remembers the empty look in his eyes similar to the one that’s always present in Jason’s now.

“He loves you, you know,” Octavian says.

Jason takes a second to process it. 

“What the fuck?” 

Octavian’s not smiling like he usually is. He’s serious.

“You love him, don’t you? Well, he loves you too, or at least the version of you he knew.” 

It’s pouring now and it’s probably Jason’s fault. 

He hardly notices when he steps on the gas a little harder.

“Do you ever shut up?” 

“You just don’t like that I’m honest.”

“Honesty’s one word for it,” Jason bites. 

Octavian’s smile is returning to his face as Jason swallows thickly and glares at the road.

Octavian laughs. “You don’t want him to love you.” 

Jason doesn’t.

“Because you’ll disappoint him, right?”    
“Shut up,” Jason snarls.

Octavian pouts. “Oh, awww...look at you...are you sure you’re making the right choice?” 

Jason can feel the familiar buzz of electricity in his veins, arms, getting him ready for a fight and he can hardly keep it all in.

“I never know what the fuck you’re talking about, you know that?”

“Oh, you do,” Octavian giggles. “You just don’t want to admit it.”   
“What do you want me to say? That I wish Leo’s dead?”   
“You do.”   
“No I—I don’t,” Jason growls. “Are you insane?”

“You don’t want to face him.” 

“That’s not the same thing!” Jason barks. 

“It’s similar though, isn’t it?”   
Jason wants to kill him. Octavian is an enemy. Enemies have to be killed. They’re obstacles. Octavian is an obstacle.

Yet at the same time, Jason needs him—for now, Octavian is useful to him.

“You wished you were dead,” Jason seethes. “But that doesn’t matter either because you’re still here and you’re still a monster.” 

Jason doesn’t know what he’s saying.

Octavian stays smiling but his eyes don’t...they just drift off, void of anything.

There’s a tug of guilt and regret to Jason’s heart that he ignores it because there’s a sense of pride in being able to shut Octavian up even if the cost is high. 

It’s not like the other boy cares about hurting Jason’s feelings anyway. 

A memory bubbles in the back of Jason’s mind like poison—Octavian, lying on the floor. Octavian, gurgling blood and smiling, laughing, and Jason running over to stop the bleeding. 

_ “You owe me one…” _

Jason was twelve years old.

He doesn’t think he’ll ever forget what happened.

///

They break into another motel room.

“Here,” Jason says, tossing Octavian a Doritos bag he stole from a nearby gas station. 

Octavian opens the bag hastily. “Thank you.” 

Jason nods and sits on his bed. The bank had been closed by the time they got there, and now they have to spend an extra day in Colorado, not outrunning the eagles of New Rome nearly fast enough.

“I...I meant to ask you something—back in the car,” Jason says. 

Octavian looks at him expectantly.

“Why are you helping me? Find Leo, I mean.”

Octavian leans back in his chair and sighs.

“I need something in Europe and...protection I suppose,” Octavian says. “At this point, I think we both know I wouldn’t be able to survive the Ancient Lands on my own—so that’s where you come in.”

Jason studies Octavian.

“You’re telling the truth,” he says slowly. 

Octavian hums and tilts his head slightly to the side. “What’s the difference between a half-truth and a lie?” 

Jason bites his tongue. Really, it doesn’t matter what Octavian’s motivations are, at least not right now, because Octavian knows he’s made himself indispensable to Jason. No matter how hideous or vile they are, Jason has to help him and take him with him in order to complete the mission. In order to find Leo. 

“It doesn’t matter,” Jason says.

Octavian’s grin goes from ear to ear. “Now you’ve got it.”

The other boy looks bloodthirsty, psychotic, like he’s already got everyone in line and attached to their strings. 

Jason feels a chill run up his spine.

There’s always been a different type of fear surrounding Octavian, for Jason at least; with giants, witches, Titans, Jason expects horribleness and expects to be treated like an ant, just something to be squashed. It makes it easier, most of the time. 

But with Octavian...Jason can never tell. Sometimes he’s sweet even, and pleasant and thoughtful or he’s depressed and empty and melancholic and other times he’s awful. Murderous. Crazed. Bored. Octavian’s a monster, but not the normal kind. Everything about him is warped. Distorted. 

He’s a con man in the fact that he’s in it for the long haul but that doesn’t seem like the right word for it. Manipulator. Conniving. Power-hungry. 

A glue trap. 

An eighteen-year-old ghost. 

Jason has a horrible feeling that Octavian’s already got him exactly where he wants him to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope u guys liked this !! a little octavian heavy, and it'll be a little while before they get to leo :(  
> plz leave comments n kudos !! or constructive criticism too, this is kind of like a writing exercise for me I guess? and I think the tone is kinda wonky in some parts so if you have any criticisms plz lmk :)   
> follow me on tumblr @achillesep

**Author's Note:**

> hope you guys liked this!! trying to figure out how to convey panic and other emotions through like...narration I guess? So let me know if I managed to do that or just like any thoughts on this at all! leave comments and kudos and have a good day!! :)
> 
> tumblr : @achillesep


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